Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Me Before You.

Thinking about who I was before I met you is almost weird to think about.
It's only been six months of marriage, but it has been almost six years of friendship, kindling love, distance, heartache, mistakes, & bliss.

I used to be self conscious  with my body. I always hated my butt...
Until I met you and you loved every inch of me.
You looked at me as if it would be your last.
& the way you looked into my eyes just made me feel gitty... and still does.

I used to worry about being too happy or outgoing. If I would be too honest or real. & then I found out how much you loved my laugh, & how much history you carried.

Wearing the perfect outfit meant  wearing my favorite T-shirt and baggy Navy sweatpants. Your dimples always seemed to get a little deeper when I wore something like that.

We dated, we grew, we said see you soon for a needed time, & then we sealed the deal.

I now brush my teeth in your baggy T-shirts while you shave with your shirt off...
Even though I hate mornings, I love being with you every morning...

I don't worry about my butt anymore. I don't even worry about me anymore. I worry about you. I worry if you are happy, stressed, concerned, angry, or annoyed.

 I can't even fall asleep without hearing the back door open around 11pm, knowing that you are safe and at home.

Thinking about who I am now, brings me so much happiness. My Hubby you are truly my better whole. You are not my half or quarter, you are my whole.

Thank you honey.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Choose Who You Love.

Doubt & Anger are inevitable,
Forgiveness is mandatory,
Feelings are fragile,
Stress is daily, &
Love is a choice.

I was getting annoyed. All he seemed to think, and talk about was money and work. He seemed to miss the memo that I was not interested in talking about this for 40mins. So he carried on, & I got quieter.

I caught myself and tried to see the positive of this. He cares, he wants the best for me, & he knows how do this stuff.
Yet, I catch myself playing the What If game.
He was my first boyfriend, kiss, & lover. Could there have been more? Of course. Is there more? Certainly.
Yet, we chose each other. We chose to love each other once again within fifteen days after not seeing each other for two & half years. And got married three months later.

Then I ponder the idea of having a longer engagement, what I would have done differently at our wedding.
Sometimes I even question whether things can really last forever. 

Then I tend to move onto the idea that with time, I will be happier & not so stressed. Ha, there's a catch. I want to be a mom, and that involves a whole new kind of stress. So I realize life is pretty good again.

Fear is real,
Hardship is a piece,
Happiness comes,
Pride over comes us,
& Love is a choice.

I thought I was happy until someone asked me for the six straight month in a row. I answered, "of course!" but then I thought about it. Really thought about it.
What is Happy? 
Is it stress- free, worry-free, paradise where everyone goes around seeing rainbows?
Does it just happen and then leave? Or does it stay with us?

Hubby then asked me this a few days later, & looking into his eyes full of concern, I answered, "Of course."
That's when I knew what happy  was.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Let's be Real.

This is my getaway.
I am newly married & I have missed writing like never before. So hoping to bring in my side of marriage & life, I'm going to be real about how incredible love is, how hard it is, & how it all works together so that me & my hubby can grow old together.